Grief is a funny thing. Caught up in the throes of loss, every day can feel like you’re living through Judith Viorst’s Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. When we lose something precious, it’s not just an emotional blow. It’s a physical and mental attack that can leave you feeling a bit like you’re drowning on dry land.
I want to say that, eventually, you find your feet…but the unfortunate truth is that, currently, I’m somewhere between going under and treading water. Right now, land feels very far away…which is why I wanted to take some time to talk about the idea of fantasy worlds and video games as “escape.”
For as long as I can remember, Narnia has been the ultimate dream. When life is rough, there’s something wonderful and reassuring about the idea that a passage to another world (far, far away and magical) could be found in any closet or behind any closed door. Let’s face it…pain sucks. And the idea of running away from it is an appealing one. For the past few weeks, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with my video games and crafts and a whole lot of sleep. It’s escapism…but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Like continuing to work through sickness or grief, it’s a way of stepping outside of yourself–getting out of your own head–and letting other concerns take over for a little while. For me, video games and novels act as a way of getting perspective. It’s not a one-to-one correlation…shooting down bandits in Skyrim doesn’t solve my frustration for real-world issues, so much as it gives me some distance before I have to deal with them again. It shifts the immediacy, leaving more time and space for healthier, more productive responses. But that’s just the after-the-fact justification. In the heat of the moment, getting to be someone else (anyone else) just feels really, really good. It’s a relief.
There’s 
a caveat to exploring new worlds, however, and it’s one we don’t often think about when we’re longing for that escape; no matter how or why fictional characters are whisked off to alternate realities, they almost always come back. The Pevensies’ adventures in Narnia doesn’t stop the war back home, or the bullying at Eustace’s
school. Spending the school year at Hogwarts doesn’t change that Harry Potter still has to see his aunt and uncle during breaks. And many times, as with Quico in Papo & Yo, the problems in the “real” world often continue to play a role in the fantasy world. Escaping isn’t enough. You still have to “deal.”
One of the hardest things I’ve had to do is make the choice to at least start dealing by acknowledging that, yes, the door to a million wonderful, distracting worlds is right there on my laptop, my 3Ds, my playstation, and my TV, but that doesn’t mean I have to go through it. Eventually, I had to put down my controllers and remotes and mice and just hurt.
My process of dealing still isn’t complete. Most days I want the distance and distraction games affords me. Some days I need them. But it’s getting easier. And, in the meantime, I’m just a click away from Tamriel, Willow Creek, or my latest Minecraft build when I need them.
It’s not Narnia, but it’s a start.
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