Of course the last couple weeks I’ve been completely distracted by #GamerGate. It has consumed most of my free time, which was spent looking at articles and reading about new horrible things happening to women in the gaming community. Doing the research for my dissertation damn near killed me, not because it was hard to find sources or because I had an advisor who was awful, but because I had to spend 6 months wading through specific, explicit, detailed arguments and insults from the community I love against me. I love games; they’ve been one of the most important things in my life. Because of games I’ve solidified lifelong friendships, I’ve changed my thinking about myself and my life, I’ve focused nearly all my academic work on them, and I’ve found a place I belong. Strike that. The last one is what men get to say. The thing that I believe is at the heart of why most good people think they ascribe to #GamerGate. They had finally found a place they belong, and they are terrified to lose it or see it changed. I guess I never felt I belonged here even though I dedicated my personal and professional life to games.
During the worst weeks of #GamerGate I didn’t game. I dabbled a bit on Sims 4, tried out Beyond Earth, but really I didn’t want to game. I just didn’t feel that drive. I have always felt a little twinge when a new WoW expansion comes out, but this time I felt no pull from the game. Perhaps I’ve finally outgrown it. Perhaps, though, the vitriol in the community and the betrayals I’ve felt by people I admire in the gaming academic community have finally taken their toll. Folks are allowed to their own opinions, of course. But I expect more of academics, especially ones I consider to be influential. In academia, I believe we all have an obligation to think about things more deeply, consider the implications of what we say, and be allies for those marginalized by those in power. We can argue all day about the nuances of this and or who the best dead white male philosopher is to apply to this situation, but in the end, I would think we would be on the same page about basic human decency.
I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot. I thought once women got to be around 50% of gamers we would be closer to a non-sexist community. I was wrong. I thought once women were proven to have the most spending and buying power that games would start including female avatars in a non-sexist way. I was wrong. I thought once #GamerGate broke that all folks who study games in academia would strongly fight against the rampant misogyny, death threats, and sexism lobbied against all female gamers. I was very, very wrong.
I’ve seen people worry about feminists trying to take all the fun and life out of games and whitewashing them by making the “PC.” We will be the death of fun, they say. No one wants to kill fun. Elements in games that are lazy and needless are not what make a game fun. Having better female protagonists will not kill your enjoyment of a game. But your shortsighted, dismissive, and egotistical attitude will kill fun for the rest of us who want nothing more than to find our home in games as well.
